4 Reasons You Attract the Wrong People (and How to Fix It)

Love and human interaction are some of the most beautiful things someone can experience in their life. But it can also cause you a world of pain. This is because love blinds people and makes them ignore red flags. Sometimes, we love unconditionally and stay with the wrong people even though it hurts us. It is pure human nature that makes us want to fight tooth and nail for love–even the toxic people in our lives.

And we do it even to our detriment, hoping someday we’ll be rewarded for our struggles. But that day seldom comes, and we are left alone to tend to our wounds. There are many reasons you attract the wrong people, but these relationships can’t last regardless of the context. Of course, you’d like to create connections with people who can treat you right. But most times, you might not know where to start.



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One of the first steps you need to take is to raise your vibration. You might not have heard of this concept before, but it’s not some revolutionary idea. Raising your vibration means learning to be aware of your thoughts and emotions. So, keep reading if you want to understand why you always gravitate towards the wrong people and how to raise your vibration.

4 Reasons You Attract the Wrong People

Here are the behaviors that invite toxic people into your life without realizing it.

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1.      You Ignore Red Flags

When it comes to the people you care about, you can quickly tend to ignore all red flags. This outcome is because you’d like to hope for the best, even though your subconscious might be telling you that your hopes are in vain. Most of the time, it’s not that you are not aware that something’s off. You are trying to ignore anything that could burst your little bubble of happiness.

When you first meet someone, you are bound to create a first impression based on superficial appearances. So, if you meet someone new and your first impression is positive, that’s what you’ll want to stick with. Even if there are signs that suggest you are incompatible in the future, you’ll still do everything you can to ignore them. This is also motivated by your need as a human always to be correct. This is ingrained in your human nature. As a result, you stick to your story even though you know you made a mistake.

It can also be because most people don’t have trust in themselves and don’t believe their intuition is correct. Even though your gut might be telling you to get away from someone, chances are you won’t do it because you are waiting to get proof. The thing is that when you eventually get that proof, it might be too late. You would have already had to deal with a toxic relationship.

2.      You Are Reckless and Impulsive

If you keep finding yourself in bad relationships, you might need to consider that something in your behavior craves that. If you are more reckless, you will be attracted only to toxic people. Do you know how they say opposites attract? Well, reality begs to differ. The more unstable and scared of commitment you are, the more likely you will attract the wrong people.

Studies show that when people are impulsive, they’ll want to live their life to the fullest without considering the risks. Because of that, an impulsive person isn’t interested in the relationship itself as they are in having fun for as long as possible. They’ll often stumble upon emotionally unavailable and toxic people in a desire to switch partners.

This behavior seems true not just for reckless people but for all types of pathological personality disorders. The same research suggests that the more neurotic someone is, the more attracted they’ll be to people who are also neurotic. So, if you attract the wrong people, that might mean you need to do some introspection.

3.      You Don’t Think You Deserve Love

All people desire human connection and are afraid of the thought of being alone. So, they search for any relationship, even though they might end up with the wrong people. But that can become dangerous if you don’t think you deserve love.

Someone who believes they are not even worth the time of day won’t be picky about what partner they choose. They’ll accept anyone as long as they have someone who can make them feel less alone. If your self-esteem is almost non-existent, you’ll never be motivated to stand up for yourself. Insecurities, negative self-talk, and other insecurities will make you vulnerable, so you won’t want to fight for what you deserve.



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And self-hate, or the idea that you aren’t worthy of love and happiness, will push you towards the worst relationships. You might even think that you don’t deserve anything but a bad relationship. What’s even more dangerous is how susceptible to manipulation and abuse you are if you don’t love yourself. If your partner tells you that you are worthless and don’t deserve to be treated right, you’ll be more likely to believe them.

A study on this topic shows that people who think they don’t deserve love believe they could never be good enough for anyone. They think they are uninteresting, and about half of these people will even change their personalities to be accepted. They have a strong need for approval, and they care a lot about what people think of them. All of these factors considered, it’s clear that someone like that will take whoever they can get. They’ll accept even the most toxic partners and enter the worst relationships.

4. That’s What You Learned

It is not an accident or bad luck that you always attract the wrong people. This behavioral pattern became ingrained in who you are as a person. And your past is a significant factor that shapes who you become and how you will create connections. How your parents treated you and the kind of relationships you saw around you will influence what you seek in a partner.

If fights and toxic behaviors surround you, that is what you expect. If parents or other guardians abused you as a child, you might be likely to accept being treated wrong as an adult. And the relationships you saw as models are just as influential in shaping your response. If you saw relationships in which people displayed toxic behaviors, that will seem like the only possible relationship.

You may not know better. You don’t fully understand that people can be kind to each other. You’ll know abuse and toxicity. In a way, you find comfort in the familiarity of toxic behaviors. But despite a rocky childhood, you need not attract the wrong people.

How to Raise Your Vibration and Stop Attracting the Wrong People

If you repeatedly find yourself stuck in bad relationships, the only way to get out of that cycle is to work on yourself. One of the first steps to take is to raise your vibration. In other words, you need to become aware of your emotions and thoughts to reshape your behaviors. It would be best if you learned to vibrate at a higher level to feel lighter and happier.

On a scientific level, these vibrations of different states create a scale of consciousness. The more conscious you are the higher your vibration. Thus, the more at ease you will be around other people. One of the best ways to raise your vibrations is by practicing gratitude. This can be as easy as stopping what you are doing right now and just looking around. Try to understand what you feel and what you should be thankful for at this moment. Be grateful that you are alive and have a home, a job, and a family. Be thankful for that promotion you earned or any good outcomes in your life.

When you start feeling gratitude, you can let go of all negative feelings. Instead, you will begin to feel fulfilled and happy. Besides appreciation, you can also try to feel love, be generous and forgive those who have wronged you. It’s a good idea to start meditating, even if you do it for five minutes per day. This will give you some time alone in which you can focus on the signals that your mind and body are giving you. This way, you can better understand what you need.

When you start raising your vibration, you can become content and happy inside. You will finally fully understand your worth. Furthermore, you will recognize what you deserve and should look for. You will be unafraid of being alone anymore so that you won’t settle for toxic people. You’ll learn to wait for someone who deserves you, rather than being with someone so that you are not alone.

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Final Thoughts on Why You Attract the Wrong People and How to Fix It

Finding love is one of the most beautiful things that can ever happen to someone. It can make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But feeling may not last, especially if you fall for the wrong person. Being in a bad relationship can quickly become the worst experience of your life. And you might not even want to attract those people, but it keeps happening to you. Well, that can be because you give off negative energy in the form of low vibration.



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There are behavioral and psychological reasons why you attract the wrong people. People tend to ignore red flags and hold on to the hope that their partner is a good person. They refuse to let go of that perfect image of their partner they have in their head. But it can also be because you are reckless and afraid of commitment and attract the same type of people.

One of the most common reasons people always attract the wrong people is how they developed early habits. If you experienced toxicity and abusive relationships, they laid a low expectation of what relationships should be. If you want to let go of that pattern, you need to raise your vibration. Work on making yourself genuinely happy and content. When you learn to love yourself, you will recognize your worth, attract better relationships, and avoid toxic people.

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